Simply That I Am
I hate that I crave earthly love over the Lord’s.
It doesn’t really matter how much I read the Bible it doesn’t matter how much I pray I’ll never be perfect so this problem will never be solved.
I am so flawed.
The Lord gives me his unrestrained love to fill me.
He loves me more than anyone ever could.
Yet I choose to turn His love into such a deep self hatred.
“I shouldn’t be so lonely that His love sits above all those who know me in quantity” I expect others to be able to make me feel more loved than Him.
All those who loved me have either left this earth or simply left me to gather dust.
I expect a replacement to come but I never want it to be God.
“I want to know it’s real” I want to be able to hear the warmth in their voice and the appreciation in the way they look at me that tells me they are thankful that I simply am. That I exist.
Not because I’ve contributed anything or am any sort of gain for them.
I fail to realize that if there was not a being who loved me for simply existing then I would not exist.
I am disappointed that i only accept these things If I sit and reflect.
I am disturbed by the fact that 99% of the time I will continue searching for those who make me feel comfortable in my skin all while pushing away the hand that formed it.
Written 9 May 2026 at 12:18 PM
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